Marriage: Two imperfect people serving a perfect God together. If you have been married for any number of days more than one, then you know marriage takes work, commitment, and partnership. Godly marriage is one that daily strives to keep God at the center, builds each other up, and creates a safe place for vulnerability and trust.
A little bit of background about our relationship we met the summer before my freshmen year in high school, and Kason’s senior year. I will never forget looking up that fateful morning and locking eyes with a brown-eyed “older man” who was already looking at me. That moment is locked in my soul forever. That moment was the beginning of a beautiful story that God had already begun to write, and I pray continues to write for decades to come. Through the years we have learned, by the grace of God, how to express love for each other in ways that may be a bit counter-cultural.
We have grown so much individually, but most importantly together in the time since that first look.
I could write for days on this post, but in order to keep it a simple read I would like to share a few ways we pursue a godly marriage daily.
6 simple ways to pursue a godly marriage:
- Pray together, a lot. Every morning and every night, and then a few times throughout the day. This is the most important thing we could do together. Our marriage is not just about us two crazy humans, but includes the One who put us together, God.
- Strive to show kindness to each other, especially when it’s not easy. The way we speak to each other is huge in our home. We can get upset or aggravated with each other, even angry, but we try to communicate it in a way that is not debilitating to our marriage. You can never take back what you say, so it’s important for us to be cautious. This isn’t to say we haven’t hurt each other with our words, everyone does. But we learn from it and move forward, and we certainly don’t raise our voice to each other. That accomplishes nothing in our opinion.
- Be patient with each other. If I ask K to do something like take the trash out or pick up his clothes, I have learned over the years to do so and not expect him to do it immediately. However, when I ask politely and in a loving way, more often than not he’s very quick to get up and do it. (kindness+patience from person A= person B is more willing to do whatever is asked) It’s kind of basic math.
- Learn the art of the apology. Thankfully neither of us need to be angry for a while. If we are ugly to each other (usually when one of us is tired or hungry!) we recognize it immediately and apologize, right there and in that moment. Then we also started saying 5 things we are thankful for several years ago and have continued to do that which really changes our heart.
- Prioritize your marriage. Since adding a little one to the mix, we found that we struggled with finding a new normal when our daughter was really young, as it is with all new families. However, over the past year, we have found a good rhythm. We discovered DateBox, a subscription service where you receive a date night in a box once a month. Each month is so creative and makes for a really fun night of connecting and laughing. We also never shy from marriage continuing education (if you want to call it that!) Any time there’s a marriage seminar or conference, or class offered to enrich our marriage and bring us closer to the Lord, then we do our best to make it happen. We are currently going through a 16 week marriage course through our church called Re-Engage, and it has been such a blessing!
- Encourage each other. We’ve been around couples who seem to put each other down quite a bit, that is big no-no for us. Even if others are joking, or just being silly. Words can hurt feelings, so play or not, we use our words to build each other up. If one of us does something new or works hard on a project, there’s high fives and “great job’s” spoken. If one of us doubt we can do something, the other is right there saying, “yes you can.”
We see our marriage as our testimony and an opportunity to share God with others, and we don’t have to constantly be speaking His name. He is evident in our marriage through the way we treat each other in our actions and our words. We pray that our marriage is a light for Him, to radiate His love, and to be for His glory because we know without Him we wouldn’t have a marriage, or a story that started so many years ago.
“Love never fails” 1 Corinthians 13:8
In Him, Tamara
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