Almost 11 years ago as a very young nineteen year old I had no idea of the concept of writing my own vows. I thought there was a reason there were “traditional” vows, so why question it, plus I was so young. I had no idea what to promise because I didn’t know what was lying ahead. Skip ahead five years later when we renewed our vows, we did write our own. There are pluses to both ways of committing yourselves to each other. But, if you are the couple who wants to vow to each other in your own words, then this post is for you as we are giving you several tips for writing wedding vows!
Your vows are promises you are making to each other before the Lord and your friends and family. They’re important words, but there’s no reason to overthink them or stress about making them sound “just right.” The important thing you are doing is communicating your love and devotion in the form of promising to each other.
By definition a vow is a solemn promise. A few synonyms are oath, pledge, covenant, and commitment. This is important to keep in mind that your vows shouldn’t be a long list of what you love about your almost husband or wife. Yes, you can absolutely include personal story or memory, but the purpose of your vows is to solemnly promise to love them through the hard days and the good.
Here are a few of my tips for writing wedding vows:
1. Don’t rush writing them, but don’t overthink them either. These are promises you want to make to your almost husband or wife. What’s important to you about your marriage, what do you promise to love and honor about them during your lifetime together?
2. Don’t promise what you can’t control. Remember that these are promises, and there are a lot of things that are out of our control. For example, it’s silly to promise to always be home by 5 o’clock right? Due to traffic or perhaps even a job change years down the road. Most likely you aren’t going to vow this, but you get the point.
3. Create an intentional environment to write them. Turn your phone off, unplug, clear distractions. Be still and pray for guidance and the words He wants for your marriage and your role as wife or husband. What does it look like through His eyes for your marriage? How can you be the wife or husband He created you to be?
4. Read through traditional Christian wedding vows. There is a reason so many couples use them to commit to a lifetime of marriage together. Use traditional vows and notice the different elements, and use them as an outline that you can then rewrite in your own words!
5. Add personality! If you are writing your own vows, it may be because traditional ones don’t seem to capture your personality and another quality that makes you as a couple unique. Perhaps you love to laugh together. You can promise to always try to make your spouse laugh through the good times and hard.
For an extra bonus on advice I took to Facebook and asked, “If someone you knew came to you for advice on writing their own wedding vows, what would you tell them?”
Here a few tips for writing wedding vows from our friends:
- “If you’re writing vows separately and having trouble coming up with ideas or want some similarity in your vows, come up with some prompts or a script of sorts for you to fill in so your vows kind of mirror one another.” -Mallory F.
- “Pray about it first, so that God’s heart is what is expressed through your words.” – Alicia W.
- “Make it personal but make sure to actually “vow” to do things…so often I hear people write their own vows and it’s just things they love about the other person, not actually vows or a commitment.” – Heidi M.
- “Aside from the standard “Love, honor & cherish”, which are very important, I think it’s good to put your vows into perspective by writing out a list of each others’ good traits and bad and making note of how you complete each other in that regard. Draw from that list. So, for example, if your spouse tends to be a little more patient than you, vow to never take their patience for granted or vow to strive to emulate or learn from their good points. That’s personal and in the end, that’s what helps to make a successful marriage when you are so aptly matched and your spouse represents the missing pieces of your own jigsaw puzzle.” – Suzette D.
- “This is probably silly but I often hear couples say, ‘ I’ve seen you at your best and at your worst.’ And every time I hear that I think- no. There and higher highs and lower lows that only happen with time and shared experience and I think the better way to phrase that, I promise to always love you when you’re at your best and love you through your worse.” – Maggie B.
So there ya have! Are you newly engaged? Are you planning on writing your own wedding vows, or are you planning to utilize traditional wedding vows. Why or why not?! Let us know!
Image by Archetype Studio Inc.
In His love, Tamara